One Sided Investments

Okay, after a six month hiatus, I am back people. Yes ladies and gentlemen, niggas and niggettes, I am back. The crowd goes wild...yaaay! Okay seriously, I wanted to say something about a subject people talk about and, of course, I had a conversation about earlier. Let's start with the story that got me on this topic in the first place. So my best friend and I was talking about chicks and whatnot. He proceeds to start talking about this chick he done hit right? Well he says to me, "I think she trying to be my girl." My next actions: Smacks forehead. Looks up. Says "seriously?" Yeah I did that. Why do I have a problem with this? She is about to get her feelings hurt, and the only person to blame is herself. Do I give a fuck? No. I am fresh out of those and don't plan to get anymore ever. Here's the thing. All that "oh we should be together shit" when y'all just fucking...yeah don't do that. The only time I see how feelings can get caught up in it is when you are getting special treatment, and no that don't include you getting picked up instead of riding the bus. Just because a mutha fucka decided you didn't have to walk that five minutes from the bus stop to his house don't mean he care about you any more than he did before. When the only thing that has been established between you two is that y'all gonna fuck, where does all this feelings shit come from? Men, you think only women do it? Hahahaha WRONG! Y'all do that shit too. "I'm saying though Keshia why won't you be my girl?" Fool I don't like you like that! Please! Loving these hoes? Yeah I ain't about that life. You gotta be doing some extra special shit for me to get that deep in it. If you gonna start investing your feelings into shit, at least make sure that that y'all are having more conversations other than when the next time you coming through to give up some ass. Yeah that's all you are there for and that is the only relationship you have decided to have with this person, so please dont do all that extra shit when you get shut down. I ain't saying it gonna work. I'm saying that 99% of the time you gonna be the only mutha fucka to feel that way if the only interaction y'all have is the five minutes it takes for you to set up a fuck session and the actual fuck session itself. If y'all have been getting it on for about six months and you don't know this mutha fucka full name and birthday, you will never be his/her significant other. Nah that ain't happening. I'll do you one better. If he/she does not ever mentions anything about y'all hanging out or chilling with each other outside of fucking, not even to go as far as to ask you what you doing with the rest of your day, you can definitely forget about ever getting this person to move things in a different direction. Being a friend is one thing, but when there is a strict put your clothes on and leave policy between y'all after y'all done doing the do, why would you want to be with this person? This one dude thought I had feelings for him after a couple of years of this song and dance. Lmao boy he is too stupid. If it has already been established that all y'all gonna do is have sexual intercourse with each other, leave ya feelings alone. They don't deserve to get hurt because you had some ridiculous notion that you could change this person and how they feel about this situation. Nah. Never that. When its just sex involved, that's all it needs to be. Don't think I know what I'm talking about. Maybe I don't. Hey man...I'm just saying...

And I'm Still a Wrestling Fan

A fact about the author of these posts: I have been a fan of wrestling since the age of 9. Yes I am talking about WWF/E, TNA, Ring of Honor, NWA, etc. I also love traditional style wrestling like they do in the Olympics. Having been a fan for so long, I get questions about a lot of things concerning the sport. Where is such and such? Why has it changed so much? Does such and such still come on? I answer them and keep it moving. One question I hate: "you know its fake right?" Let me explain something to you: I am fully aware and have the common knowledge that what I am watching is not real. I am aware that what I am watching is like a very violent soap opera. Please don't ask me or tell me this shit like I just started watching Raw and Impact yesterday. Seriously I can't stand that shit. Oh and only the storylines and some of the moves are fake. Those injuries and some of the moves in the ring are definitely real. Getting medical clearance to wrestle? Real. The problems backstage and off camera? Real. Want a good look into wrestling from a real point of view? Watch Beyond the Mat and Card Subject to Change. Read a book by a wrestler. Watch a documentary about a wrestler. Know your shit before you step to me with that "wrestling is fake" bullshit. I really do get sick of hearing. I ain't stupid and I ain't gonna stop watching. What is really the fucken point of you telling me that? I mean shut the fuck up. Damn! Oh and if wrestling is so fake, why the fuck do you know more about the last show than I do? Yeah. Hush. What I am saying is this: this is one of the most interesting things there is to me. Don't diss my shit because that "reality" show you was watching last week ain't that real itself. If you want to know if I know about something that I have been watching for 16 years of my life, the answer is yes. Stop asking me that shit. Please. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

The Use of Names

One of the things that are overlooked by some people is the use of names. What do I mean? When someone introduce his or her self, he or she uses the name in which he or she wants to be called. This is the tag in which he or she gives oneself for others, whether it is a nickname or the real first name or a fake name that is used for safety reasons. At work, the use of names depends on the type of work being done. For example, everyone at my job calls each other by our last names. Just how it is. When I was working for the university I went to, everybody called each other by our first names. Teachers asked what name we preferred. So on, so forth. Why am I writing this? Because some people feel they have the right to call people whatever they want. Some people read my name off my nametag and call me by my first name. I'm fine with that until you start cracking jokes and making my name what you want it. Mutha fucka who are you? I don't know you like that. Don't call me nothing I don't approve you to call me by, and yes that includes my first name. For those that read this and don't know what my name is, it's Keshia. No this is not a joke. This is my given and legal first name and you can only imagine the shit I hear when some people learn that shit. I will put it out there: don't make up some bullshit nickname I don't like or call me what you want. If I give you a name to call me by, use it. The name thing varies upon how close we are and what out relationship is to each other. Also don't get mad at me when I call you by the name that you have given me to call you by. If you introduce yourself to be as Douchebag McGhee, that's what the fuck I am gonna call you. Give me the same common courtsey. If you want to call me something different I will let you know if I approve or not. If I don't like it, please note that I will be thoroughly pissed every time you call me that shit. If you introduce yourself to me by using your first name, don't get mad when I don't call you by your nickname. If your nickname is fucked up, don't get mad when I call you by something I feel comfortable saying. C'mon now. change that shit! Oh and to those that make up these stupid ass names on social media, please stop that shit. No one likes it and it makes you look stupid. An example? Ron heaboutdatlife Smith. Really dude? Kill yourself. Just know that one name I don't go by: KeeKee. Don't have nothing against anybody that do, but I personally don't like being called that shit. Don't fucken do it! If I am at work, you are to call me by my last name unless I say that you can call me by my first. This construction had the audacity to call me by my first name. Dude, you don't fucken know me like that. We ain't cool. Don't do that. I have issues with this because a name is the way you are identified and I don't want my shit to be mistaken or misused. You have been warned. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

One Drink Dont Make Me Yours

Being at Club 426 (I stay in the A) last night reintroduced me to a world that I have become unfamiliar with. The dancing? I danced all night. The music? Awesome. The people? Live. The men? Thirsty. The women? Hoochie but just as live. It was a wonderful night. I had this one dude that was trying to take me home with him. Nah dog. I'm good. Don't even know you like that and I leave with who I came with. He walked off. I kept dancing and enjoying myself. Now the next dude is somewhat the inspiration for this blog post. Yes the gesture of a man buying a woman a drink is nice, but fellas, what I want you to understand is that if you offer to buy a woman a drink, it does not mean she is obligated to give you anything. Another dance, a date, some conversation, nothing. She ain't gotta do shit for you. If she is a random person who you never met in life, the chances of you getting anything out of her after buying that $8 cranberry juice and vodka or that $3 bottle of water is slim to none. Just letting you know that spending money don't entitle you to shit. I ain't yo girl. I'm not yo wife. I ain't the mother of yo kids. I don't sign yo checks or make your money. What the fuck makes you think that buying me a drink will get me to buss it open? Whoa dude. Let me stop laughing at yo ridiculous ass for thinking that I am that simple. Lost yo fucken mind along with yo common sense. To the females that is that simple to buss down, thank you for creating this mindset for bitch niggas and stalkers to love by. No I am not talking to the ones that have accepted a drink. Ain't nothing wrong with saying yes to free shit. I am talking to the ones that will go home with and fuck this dude or female that has brought them this drink because of that reason. These the same bitches that are fucking for subway sandwiches and new outfits. What the fuck is wrong wit you? This don't apply if you know this person. It does when this person is random. Its a drink. Most of the time, the shit you buy is the same drink you drink at home. Oh and please don't think offering me a drink is gonna impress me. Sorry sir or ma'am that wont cut it. Take note: if you buy me a drink 99.99% of the time I will turn it down. If I don't just know even if I know you I leave with who I came with so don't get your hopes up. This is just some more club etiquette to think about before you get your feelings hurt over a ridiculous expectation. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

The Bedroom Rules

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was having a conversation just last night and I hear the story about how a person's bedroom space was violated. Yes this is possible especially when you are dealing with mutha fuckas that obviously don't know you that well. I don't know about everybody else bit I will tell you this: you will learn real quick from me when you have violated my space period. I would like to present to you my own person bedroom rules. No it is not all sexual but you will learn to respect my space. Here we go:

1. Don't get your ass in the middle of my bed and invade all of my space. The blue cloud is a beautiful place...MY BEAUTIFUL PLACE! What the fuck is wrong wit you? The only exception to this if I am about to lay on you so we can cuddle while we sleep or chilling. Otherwise, stay yo ass out of the majority of my bed space. That is mine and mine only!

2. Don't come changing my channels and flipping all through my shit. Yes nigga I'm watching that. I might be courteous enough to ask what you wanna watch but only if I care.

3. Don't plan to spend the night unless invited to do so. The only exceptions to this: my family and the crew, and I will even let them know if its bad timing. If I didn't suggest you stay, prepare to go home before I go to sleep.

4. Don't be going through my shit. Never had this problem, but I wish a mutha fucka would...

5. My puppy is going to be in my room from time to time. Its his room too. Respect his space. He lives here. You don't.

6. Throw away anything you plan to dispose of in the trash can. Its green and sits in one corner of my room. Use it.

7. Don't think because you are in my room that you gonna get me naked unless this is something we have previously discussed. Just cuz I brought you up here don't mean I wanna let you have it. Nah shit don't work like that.

8. If I get dressed, it means you get dressed too. Follow suit. If I am putting on my clothes don't get comfortable in my bed naked and relax yourself. Nah. Please dress and plan to bounce.

9. No dramatics. I don't do those. Don't bring to my place of peace.

10. If we agree to fuck, please don't get in my bed or my room bullshitting. Yes I am cool with a convo beforehand and yeah we can do more than just that. When the clothes come off I expect your A game. Nothing less. The second I figure out you are fronting on me, I will show you the door. Bye bitch. Not wit it.

11. Practice good hygiene and don't come in my room smelling all kinds of foul. If we cool like that you will be allowed to take a shower. Otherwise you will get put out. Done deal.

12. If you pass gas and don't say excuse me or pass one of those killers that run a chick out her own shit, go to the bathroom, plan to leave, and know you have killed the whole mood.

13. If you want to leave, don't give me an excuse to why you leaving. Just give me a "I'm about to get ready to go" and I will politely walk you to the door.

14. I do live with other people. Be mindful of this when you come to my place. Thanks.

15. Don't insult or disrespect me. This includes my stuff and anything that stands for what I am about. Period.

This is all I have for now but if you ever get the pleasure of being in my room, you will know that it can be another one or two out there. Please know that every person has their own set of bedroom rules, and it might not be put up on the wall it something, but they exist. Don't think you are the exception unless told so and know it for a fact. You better have a talk before you get over there. Otherwise you probably will end up embarrassing yourself. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

Holding Out...For What?

So...I had a random thought on my way home this morning about a conversation I was having a few days ago with this dude about dating. One part of this conversation is the talk of sex on the first date. Am I wit it? Am I against it? What do I do when it comes down to giving it up? Well its like this: I believe and support sex on the first date. No that doesn't mean I give it up on every first date that I go on, but I ain't against doing it either. To be honest, I know when I see a person if I wanna fuck them or not. I just determine how long I am gonna wait to go for it when/if we have a conversation with each other. If that's all I want from a dude, then all this dating and going out and spending money on me shit ain't necessary. Give me what I want and be on your way. Now, let's get the subject of this post: women that hold out on giving up the vajaja. Yes I support you making your own decisions but there is only two reasons I will try and talk you out of not waiting to give it up: because I think the reason you are holding out is purely stupid and because I actually care about why you are doing it. What's a stupid reason you ask? "He/she gonna think I'm a ho." Hunny this ain't 1999. If he/she thinks you a ho for giving up within two weeks of meeting, he/she thought you were a ho when you met. Lets be real. In this person's eyes you were always the freak and at some point in the near future this person figured they could get you to buss it open. Just saying. If all it took was a trip to Red Lobster and some cheesy biscuits (those biscuits are the shit by the way) then so be it, but don't think he/she just had the magically thought that you are easy because you fucked the first date. Most real men or women just think you know what you want in life. Hell if you are the aggressor in the situation some will actually want you more. Some women have this thought that you are supposed to make a man or woman wait til after a certain time period to have sex with a person. What if after that 60 day period this person no longer has interest in touching you or you in general? I want you to know off top that he or she will fuck other people until you decide to give it up. Oh you mad? Sounds like you need to buss it open. We all adults here. If you that caught up in your feelings about fucking maybe that is something for you to definitely work on. Who knows? Fucking this person could make them want you even more. If they quit fucking wit you like that after you give it up then you now know they on some high school shit and ain't worth your time anyway. The ones that usually end up in this situation? The ones that hold out the longest...at least that's what I heard. I don't know. If I want it I am going for it. Fuck it. I'm grown and don't have a single fuck to give about how a mutha fucka feel about me after the fact. Oh you wanna disappear? Well do it in a quickness so I can go on with life. Want to act funny? Know that I am laughing at yo ass from afar and laugh even harder when you come back wanting something from me. Personal opinion: holding out is a little unnecessary if it ain't for the right reasons. Taking things slowly? That's fine. Really want something serious out of it? Understandable. Know this: there are successful marriages that have started from two people that fucked each other when they first met. Fuck the first date. That came later. There have also been failed relationships from people that have decided to wait. All of it is a toss up. My suggestion: give it up when you ready, no matter how long or short of a period of time it is. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

Getting The Right Fit...The Nasty Way

Some of these grown ass boys out here are fucken hilarious. I mean they are funny as shit. It's crazy how you are given the green light to get what you want and you fuck it up in the worst way: by trying to make it seem that you are something that you are not. Let's get into a scenario: a chick offers to give it up. You take the opportunity and you meet up with her. Everything is going smoothly. And then yall get down to the act. You pull out this Magnum and put it on like it just fits perfectly or some shit and get to it only for it to continuously slide and possibly break. THIS IS NOT HOT! I dont know know who told some mutha fuckas that this is impressive or that it will give a female this thought that you doing something, but all you are doing is pissing her off with this stopping and starting shit. Like what in your right mind makes you believe that your dick is so huge that you need that shit? Oh you dont wanna look like the short dick mutha fucka that you are in front of the people in the store when you buy them? Why do you give a fuck what they think? They aint fucking you. Maybe you aint a short dick male, but you aint a Magnum man. You know it and every chick you done pulled it out in front of knows it. All you are doing is setting yourself up for a fiasco hunny. I'm a grown ass woman and I am gonna put it out there: stop buying fucken condoms that you know yo ass cant fit. You are not doing much sir but cutting yourself off and putting yourself in the position to be dogged the fuck out. I mean really? You know why you couldnt fuck like you wanted to? Because the condom dont fit. You know why you kept getting nervous and scared? Because you was fearing that mutha fucka coming off. You know why you kept checking it and heard that dreadful snap when it broke? Because you shouldnt have been fucking with that shit in the first place. Compare it to a construction site. You not going to hammer a nail with just a handle. You cant drill with a manual screwdriver baby. Let's go to sports: you wont play football with a basketball. You wont wear cleats on a court. Why the fuck would you wear a condom you clearly cant fit? GET YO SHIT TOGETHER! Females, dont let these boys out here get away with that shit. If they pull that on you and you catch them, front that ass out. If you catch it after the fact, cut that ass off! Fuck him. He will live. Let him pull that fuck shit on another bitch because that is not okay. If they keep getting away with it, they gonna keep do it. Fellas, start fucking with the right shit. Dont be out here trying to trick a bitch. That shit aint safe and its stupid on your part because she aint gonna accept it. Oh and ladies, destroy the confidence that these "dick slangers," and I use that term loosely, have in themselves to be doing shit like that. When you are trying to get a job done, you need the right equipment. If you dont have it, ask her to provide it for you. If you know its old or whatnot, replace it. Go in that thing strong because if you dont, you will be the joke of the day. Can't do that? You better show her what that mouth do. Yeah I went there. Real men know where I am coming from. They are reading this shit right now saying to themselves, "HELL YEAH!"  Please believe that. Its as simple as knowing what you got and working with it. Honesty does impress real women, and if she dont want it, find a bitch that will because you fooling and losing by lying about it. Don't get mad when yo ass get sent home because you pulling out shit that dont belong to you naturally. And dont ever use a Durex. That shit will get you laughed at to your face. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Haha take note mutha fuckas! Hey man...I'm just saying...