Getting The Right Fit...The Nasty Way

Some of these grown ass boys out here are fucken hilarious. I mean they are funny as shit. It's crazy how you are given the green light to get what you want and you fuck it up in the worst way: by trying to make it seem that you are something that you are not. Let's get into a scenario: a chick offers to give it up. You take the opportunity and you meet up with her. Everything is going smoothly. And then yall get down to the act. You pull out this Magnum and put it on like it just fits perfectly or some shit and get to it only for it to continuously slide and possibly break. THIS IS NOT HOT! I dont know know who told some mutha fuckas that this is impressive or that it will give a female this thought that you doing something, but all you are doing is pissing her off with this stopping and starting shit. Like what in your right mind makes you believe that your dick is so huge that you need that shit? Oh you dont wanna look like the short dick mutha fucka that you are in front of the people in the store when you buy them? Why do you give a fuck what they think? They aint fucking you. Maybe you aint a short dick male, but you aint a Magnum man. You know it and every chick you done pulled it out in front of knows it. All you are doing is setting yourself up for a fiasco hunny. I'm a grown ass woman and I am gonna put it out there: stop buying fucken condoms that you know yo ass cant fit. You are not doing much sir but cutting yourself off and putting yourself in the position to be dogged the fuck out. I mean really? You know why you couldnt fuck like you wanted to? Because the condom dont fit. You know why you kept getting nervous and scared? Because you was fearing that mutha fucka coming off. You know why you kept checking it and heard that dreadful snap when it broke? Because you shouldnt have been fucking with that shit in the first place. Compare it to a construction site. You not going to hammer a nail with just a handle. You cant drill with a manual screwdriver baby. Let's go to sports: you wont play football with a basketball. You wont wear cleats on a court. Why the fuck would you wear a condom you clearly cant fit? GET YO SHIT TOGETHER! Females, dont let these boys out here get away with that shit. If they pull that on you and you catch them, front that ass out. If you catch it after the fact, cut that ass off! Fuck him. He will live. Let him pull that fuck shit on another bitch because that is not okay. If they keep getting away with it, they gonna keep do it. Fellas, start fucking with the right shit. Dont be out here trying to trick a bitch. That shit aint safe and its stupid on your part because she aint gonna accept it. Oh and ladies, destroy the confidence that these "dick slangers," and I use that term loosely, have in themselves to be doing shit like that. When you are trying to get a job done, you need the right equipment. If you dont have it, ask her to provide it for you. If you know its old or whatnot, replace it. Go in that thing strong because if you dont, you will be the joke of the day. Can't do that? You better show her what that mouth do. Yeah I went there. Real men know where I am coming from. They are reading this shit right now saying to themselves, "HELL YEAH!"  Please believe that. Its as simple as knowing what you got and working with it. Honesty does impress real women, and if she dont want it, find a bitch that will because you fooling and losing by lying about it. Don't get mad when yo ass get sent home because you pulling out shit that dont belong to you naturally. And dont ever use a Durex. That shit will get you laughed at to your face. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Haha take note mutha fuckas! Hey man...I'm just saying...

That's Not My Job

Everybody I know has had at least 3 jobs in their life. Yes I said 3. Let me remind you I am 25. This is normal. Anyway, we all have had at least one boss that has told us to do out job plus extra shit. What extra shit you may ask?  Things that are not listed in our job description to do and is not our responsibility. Excuse me? Just because you make a couple of extra dollars than me and where some special shirt and got some authority don't mean that I will be ready and willing to do your job for you. You the supervisor right? Why am I looking over the rest of the employees making sure they get shit done? That ain't my job. You the manager right? Why am I looking over the other employees' work and evaluating it? That ain't my job. When you promote me and give me the pay, then I will be more than happy to do that shit plus some because it would be my job. Dont think because you hold my job in your hands that you just own me. Fuck that shit. I know of a few good words that I can say to you that would be me being respectful and saying fuck you all at once. Dont try me like that. Something you managament folk need to realize is that we lower level employees will not listen to orders given to each other FROM EACH OTHER! I don't mind helping another employee or us working together or training another employee to do what we do at the job, but all this supervision and managing shit is for just that type of person- the supervisor and manager. If I am neither, which I have never been, do not expect me to act like it or stand in your place for any period of time. What the fuck I look like? Oh and I want you to threaten to fire me. What you think that is about to do? I will let you know to your face: that ain't my job. That is not what I was hired to do. Man really? You want an employee to do something right? Tell them to do it. I ain't your flunky. Don't be telling me to do that shit. "Look over everything while I go handle this." If some shit go down, what am I supposed to do? You ain't about to hold me responsible. I know that shit. If you call me in during my off day, don't be talking to me as if you doing me the favor. Umm you called me. I didn't ask for this shit, so don't be fucken talking to me like I am just all extra wrong for helping yo ass out. What the fuck ever! And stop throwing your weight around and acting as if we don't know who you are. We all get the point. We know who you are and what your position is. Thank you for informing us. Now get the fuck out the way so I can do my damn job and sit yo ass down some fucken where. Geez. Some mutha fuckas act like they ain't never had nothing before. Oh and plead don't be so lazy on your job that your work is spilled over to me. Umm no! I protest the fuck out that shit. You must be out your mind and have lost all common sense to think I will accept that with a smile. Shitting me. I will ask you 5011 questions before hand. I am the one. Oh and dont have me doing shit that I was not hired to do. If my job is to solely sweep and mop floors, why you want me to paint walls? That is what the painters are for. This is just an example of what I call extra shit. Look, just because you are given that kind of responsibility does not mean you need to abuse it. Case in point: DO YOUR OWN FUCKEN JOB AND LET ME DO MINE! Shit! Don't think I know what I am talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...