Saturday, August 25, 2012

One Drink Dont Make Me Yours

Being at Club 426 (I stay in the A) last night reintroduced me to a world that I have become unfamiliar with. The dancing? I danced all night. The music? Awesome. The people? Live. The men? Thirsty. The women? Hoochie but just as live. It was a wonderful night. I had this one dude that was trying to take me home with him. Nah dog. I'm good. Don't even know you like that and I leave with who I came with. He walked off. I kept dancing and enjoying myself. Now the next dude is somewhat the inspiration for this blog post. Yes the gesture of a man buying a woman a drink is nice, but fellas, what I want you to understand is that if you offer to buy a woman a drink, it does not mean she is obligated to give you anything. Another dance, a date, some conversation, nothing. She ain't gotta do shit for you. If she is a random person who you never met in life, the chances of you getting anything out of her after buying that $8 cranberry juice and vodka or that $3 bottle of water is slim to none. Just letting you know that spending money don't entitle you to shit. I ain't yo girl. I'm not yo wife. I ain't the mother of yo kids. I don't sign yo checks or make your money. What the fuck makes you think that buying me a drink will get me to buss it open? Whoa dude. Let me stop laughing at yo ridiculous ass for thinking that I am that simple. Lost yo fucken mind along with yo common sense. To the females that is that simple to buss down, thank you for creating this mindset for bitch niggas and stalkers to love by. No I am not talking to the ones that have accepted a drink. Ain't nothing wrong with saying yes to free shit. I am talking to the ones that will go home with and fuck this dude or female that has brought them this drink because of that reason. These the same bitches that are fucking for subway sandwiches and new outfits. What the fuck is wrong wit you? This don't apply if you know this person. It does when this person is random. Its a drink. Most of the time, the shit you buy is the same drink you drink at home. Oh and please don't think offering me a drink is gonna impress me. Sorry sir or ma'am that wont cut it. Take note: if you buy me a drink 99.99% of the time I will turn it down. If I don't just know even if I know you I leave with who I came with so don't get your hopes up. This is just some more club etiquette to think about before you get your feelings hurt over a ridiculous expectation. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

Friday, August 24, 2012

The Bedroom Rules

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was having a conversation just last night and I hear the story about how a person's bedroom space was violated. Yes this is possible especially when you are dealing with mutha fuckas that obviously don't know you that well. I don't know about everybody else bit I will tell you this: you will learn real quick from me when you have violated my space period. I would like to present to you my own person bedroom rules. No it is not all sexual but you will learn to respect my space. Here we go:

1. Don't get your ass in the middle of my bed and invade all of my space. The blue cloud is a beautiful place...MY BEAUTIFUL PLACE! What the fuck is wrong wit you? The only exception to this if I am about to lay on you so we can cuddle while we sleep or chilling. Otherwise, stay yo ass out of the majority of my bed space. That is mine and mine only!

2. Don't come changing my channels and flipping all through my shit. Yes nigga I'm watching that. I might be courteous enough to ask what you wanna watch but only if I care.

3. Don't plan to spend the night unless invited to do so. The only exceptions to this: my family and the crew, and I will even let them know if its bad timing. If I didn't suggest you stay, prepare to go home before I go to sleep.

4. Don't be going through my shit. Never had this problem, but I wish a mutha fucka would...

5. My puppy is going to be in my room from time to time. Its his room too. Respect his space. He lives here. You don't.

6. Throw away anything you plan to dispose of in the trash can. Its green and sits in one corner of my room. Use it.

7. Don't think because you are in my room that you gonna get me naked unless this is something we have previously discussed. Just cuz I brought you up here don't mean I wanna let you have it. Nah shit don't work like that.

8. If I get dressed, it means you get dressed too. Follow suit. If I am putting on my clothes don't get comfortable in my bed naked and relax yourself. Nah. Please dress and plan to bounce.

9. No dramatics. I don't do those. Don't bring to my place of peace.

10. If we agree to fuck, please don't get in my bed or my room bullshitting. Yes I am cool with a convo beforehand and yeah we can do more than just that. When the clothes come off I expect your A game. Nothing less. The second I figure out you are fronting on me, I will show you the door. Bye bitch. Not wit it.

11. Practice good hygiene and don't come in my room smelling all kinds of foul. If we cool like that you will be allowed to take a shower. Otherwise you will get put out. Done deal.

12. If you pass gas and don't say excuse me or pass one of those killers that run a chick out her own shit, go to the bathroom, plan to leave, and know you have killed the whole mood.

13. If you want to leave, don't give me an excuse to why you leaving. Just give me a "I'm about to get ready to go" and I will politely walk you to the door.

14. I do live with other people. Be mindful of this when you come to my place. Thanks.

15. Don't insult or disrespect me. This includes my stuff and anything that stands for what I am about. Period.

This is all I have for now but if you ever get the pleasure of being in my room, you will know that it can be another one or two out there. Please know that every person has their own set of bedroom rules, and it might not be put up on the wall it something, but they exist. Don't think you are the exception unless told so and know it for a fact. You better have a talk before you get over there. Otherwise you probably will end up embarrassing yourself. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...