Getting The Right Fit...The Nasty Way

Some of these grown ass boys out here are fucken hilarious. I mean they are funny as shit. It's crazy how you are given the green light to get what you want and you fuck it up in the worst way: by trying to make it seem that you are something that you are not. Let's get into a scenario: a chick offers to give it up. You take the opportunity and you meet up with her. Everything is going smoothly. And then yall get down to the act. You pull out this Magnum and put it on like it just fits perfectly or some shit and get to it only for it to continuously slide and possibly break. THIS IS NOT HOT! I dont know know who told some mutha fuckas that this is impressive or that it will give a female this thought that you doing something, but all you are doing is pissing her off with this stopping and starting shit. Like what in your right mind makes you believe that your dick is so huge that you need that shit? Oh you dont wanna look like the short dick mutha fucka that you are in front of the people in the store when you buy them? Why do you give a fuck what they think? They aint fucking you. Maybe you aint a short dick male, but you aint a Magnum man. You know it and every chick you done pulled it out in front of knows it. All you are doing is setting yourself up for a fiasco hunny. I'm a grown ass woman and I am gonna put it out there: stop buying fucken condoms that you know yo ass cant fit. You are not doing much sir but cutting yourself off and putting yourself in the position to be dogged the fuck out. I mean really? You know why you couldnt fuck like you wanted to? Because the condom dont fit. You know why you kept getting nervous and scared? Because you was fearing that mutha fucka coming off. You know why you kept checking it and heard that dreadful snap when it broke? Because you shouldnt have been fucking with that shit in the first place. Compare it to a construction site. You not going to hammer a nail with just a handle. You cant drill with a manual screwdriver baby. Let's go to sports: you wont play football with a basketball. You wont wear cleats on a court. Why the fuck would you wear a condom you clearly cant fit? GET YO SHIT TOGETHER! Females, dont let these boys out here get away with that shit. If they pull that on you and you catch them, front that ass out. If you catch it after the fact, cut that ass off! Fuck him. He will live. Let him pull that fuck shit on another bitch because that is not okay. If they keep getting away with it, they gonna keep do it. Fellas, start fucking with the right shit. Dont be out here trying to trick a bitch. That shit aint safe and its stupid on your part because she aint gonna accept it. Oh and ladies, destroy the confidence that these "dick slangers," and I use that term loosely, have in themselves to be doing shit like that. When you are trying to get a job done, you need the right equipment. If you dont have it, ask her to provide it for you. If you know its old or whatnot, replace it. Go in that thing strong because if you dont, you will be the joke of the day. Can't do that? You better show her what that mouth do. Yeah I went there. Real men know where I am coming from. They are reading this shit right now saying to themselves, "HELL YEAH!"  Please believe that. Its as simple as knowing what you got and working with it. Honesty does impress real women, and if she dont want it, find a bitch that will because you fooling and losing by lying about it. Don't get mad when yo ass get sent home because you pulling out shit that dont belong to you naturally. And dont ever use a Durex. That shit will get you laughed at to your face. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Haha take note mutha fuckas! Hey man...I'm just saying...

Dress Attire

The discussion that has been had amongst friends, both young and old, is what is wrong with people and the way they dress these days. Some of this stuff that is out there is just that, out there. What I am wondering about is what's up with these females that believe wearing something two sizes too small from them is okay and these dudes that believe that sagging skinny jeans is the way to go with their wardrobe. I mean seriously? A dude tried to talk to me wearing skinny jeans and I thought it was horrid. I laughed at him and kept it moving. Women: we have to do better with the fit of our colthing. Yes something can fit without being tight. I mean really though? If it is clear that you are not a size 12, don't put on that when you know you are a 18. We see you and we know that ain't right. Oh and just because it is in your size don't mean it look good on you. I really get irked when I see muffin tops and incorrect usage of clothes. Its not attarctive. Males: if I can see yo draws, I will refrain from giving you attention. That is not the move. I'm too old to think that is even remotely cute. Also, skinny jeans are not to be worn by any male PERIOD! I don't care what you tell me or how much many and fame you got. Its not cool. And yes I can tell the difference between straight leg and skinny baby. You ain't fooling anybody. To both sexes: if you look in the mirror and something doesn't seem right, make a change or ask a friend. Strong word of advice: please let your friends know when something does not look right on them. It is not okay to let your friends walk around looking all kinds of wrong period. Yes feelings might get hurt but at least they will not be embarrassed. Trust me when I say I will not go anywhere with anybody if I feel their outfit is not working. Oh and stop wearing your pajamas to the store. I don't give a fuck how long you gonna be in there. Put some damn clothes on or don't walk out the door unless you driving and don't plan to get out the car. Dress according to the weather. If it is February and it is 80° (yes this is possible) it is okay to dress accordingly, but please don't have on shorts in 50° weather with wind chills. Yeah I have seen it. Fellas, sagging shorts DOES NOT substitute for pants. I swear that irks me to the fullest. Putting your hands in your shirt does not substitute for a coat. Check weather reports as often as you can people and always be prepared for the unexpected because sometimes these weather people be wrong as shit. Am I saying carry a jacket around in the summer time? No but you might want to have some sort of rain gear in the case of unexpected showers. I know an umbrella goes everywhere I go. Dress for the occasion. A freak'em dress to the movies is just as wrong as a T-shirt and shorts to a job interview. Yes I have seen both and worse. Oh you thought I forgot about kids? Not by a long shot. Parents, dress your children correctly and in the right stuff. Your child or children needs to look as good as you or better. I want to sleep the shit out of these people I see with their kids looking ridiculous but they look as if they are fresh off a photo shoot. Really though? Somebody please pass me the number to DFACS. I can't take it. That doesn't irk me. That pisses me off. Also, let yo kids be kids and be themselves, but please make them dress for the weather and for the activities they are going to engage in as well. I am not a parent. This is true, but I know what is right and what is wrong on a child. It doesn't take having one to see that. I used to be a baby, a child, a tween, and a teenager. I am not just saying these things people. This is not coming from just anywhere and none of this has been fabricated so that I can make my point. To that chick that walked into that juniors store and said they are discriminating because there was nothing there in your size, this is dedicated to you. Please go shop somehwere that carries your correct size and stop trying to fit into a size you ain't worn since 5th grade. I can say this. I have been a size 16 since I was in 7th grade. It is possible and I do look good in my clothes. All I am saying is this: be comfortable but be correct in what you wear. If it doesn't look or feel right, its probably not. Do yourself a favor and change it. Please listen to those that are trying to advise you on what to put on, but also be aware of how this person or these people dress as well. I am all up for individualilty and not following trends, but there are some things that are just not okay by any means. Know your stuff people. Don't think I know what I am talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...

Good Men and Women Still Exist

I tell you, the conversations that I have had with friends over the years have stuck to me like my skin to my bones. For the longest I have heard my single friends come to me and say that there ain't any good men or women out there and if they do exist they are already taken. I will tell you the same thing I told them: that's bullshit. You just have to find one. Single women, I will address you first. There are plenty of good single men out there in the world for you to find and date and shit. No all men are not the same and all are not to fuck and leave. Please stop saying that shit, or at least don't say that shit to me. I do believe it nor do I want to hear it. Evaluate your personality, attitude, and personal beliefs before you give a man the time of day because there could be a good man in front of your face and you would kill that shit with the way you treat him and waiting for him to fuck up. Single mena and lesbians, there are good women out there that are not filled with drama or only want to dip in your pocket. Trust me when I say there are women that are willing to treat you like the king (or queen) that you are because you have decided to be a part of their life. Do not approach every woman with a divide and conquer attitude either. Most women are not with that shit. Communication baby. It is the foundation to everything having to do with significant others and romantic relationships. Hell it's the foundation for everything period. Try to get to know a person if you gonna judge them. Every woman ain't a gold digging bitch, and every male ain't a dog ass mutha fucka. Once we quit treating each other as such, then there will be more good men and women around for the picking. Get yourself in check before you pass judgement and don't believe the societal bullshit that swarms around you. Otherwise you are going to be a lonely mutha fucka for the rest of your life. There are.good ones still out there. They are all around you. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...