The Bedroom Rules

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was having a conversation just last night and I hear the story about how a person's bedroom space was violated. Yes this is possible especially when you are dealing with mutha fuckas that obviously don't know you that well. I don't know about everybody else bit I will tell you this: you will learn real quick from me when you have violated my space period. I would like to present to you my own person bedroom rules. No it is not all sexual but you will learn to respect my space. Here we go:

1. Don't get your ass in the middle of my bed and invade all of my space. The blue cloud is a beautiful place...MY BEAUTIFUL PLACE! What the fuck is wrong wit you? The only exception to this if I am about to lay on you so we can cuddle while we sleep or chilling. Otherwise, stay yo ass out of the majority of my bed space. That is mine and mine only!

2. Don't come changing my channels and flipping all through my shit. Yes nigga I'm watching that. I might be courteous enough to ask what you wanna watch but only if I care.

3. Don't plan to spend the night unless invited to do so. The only exceptions to this: my family and the crew, and I will even let them know if its bad timing. If I didn't suggest you stay, prepare to go home before I go to sleep.

4. Don't be going through my shit. Never had this problem, but I wish a mutha fucka would...

5. My puppy is going to be in my room from time to time. Its his room too. Respect his space. He lives here. You don't.

6. Throw away anything you plan to dispose of in the trash can. Its green and sits in one corner of my room. Use it.

7. Don't think because you are in my room that you gonna get me naked unless this is something we have previously discussed. Just cuz I brought you up here don't mean I wanna let you have it. Nah shit don't work like that.

8. If I get dressed, it means you get dressed too. Follow suit. If I am putting on my clothes don't get comfortable in my bed naked and relax yourself. Nah. Please dress and plan to bounce.

9. No dramatics. I don't do those. Don't bring to my place of peace.

10. If we agree to fuck, please don't get in my bed or my room bullshitting. Yes I am cool with a convo beforehand and yeah we can do more than just that. When the clothes come off I expect your A game. Nothing less. The second I figure out you are fronting on me, I will show you the door. Bye bitch. Not wit it.

11. Practice good hygiene and don't come in my room smelling all kinds of foul. If we cool like that you will be allowed to take a shower. Otherwise you will get put out. Done deal.

12. If you pass gas and don't say excuse me or pass one of those killers that run a chick out her own shit, go to the bathroom, plan to leave, and know you have killed the whole mood.

13. If you want to leave, don't give me an excuse to why you leaving. Just give me a "I'm about to get ready to go" and I will politely walk you to the door.

14. I do live with other people. Be mindful of this when you come to my place. Thanks.

15. Don't insult or disrespect me. This includes my stuff and anything that stands for what I am about. Period.

This is all I have for now but if you ever get the pleasure of being in my room, you will know that it can be another one or two out there. Please know that every person has their own set of bedroom rules, and it might not be put up on the wall it something, but they exist. Don't think you are the exception unless told so and know it for a fact. You better have a talk before you get over there. Otherwise you probably will end up embarrassing yourself. Don't think I know what I'm talking about? Hey man...I'm just saying...